Back from the 5th party this christmas and this concludes the best christmas season I've had in 19 years :D
Much thanks to ziyu for brightening up an otherwise dull season!
Some things to think about!
Why do I like Vongola so much?
Because I like the concept of "Family" and "Guardian".
I am not a sociable person by nature, and I always depend on the same few people, who are like my Guardians.
There's Kang Ming, who resembles Gokudera. He's reliable, loyal, and always supportive of what I have in mind. He's the first I call upon whenever I need help with a new idea, because I know he won't turn me down, and will give me all the support he can provide. The right hand man!
Then there's Ziyu, whom I adore and respect. In many ways she resembles Reborn, suddenly coming into my life and turning it around. Always teaching me new things. Always throwing me into new, challenging situations. Always believing I have the potential. Always hitting me suddenly. Always the first to hear and understand my thoughts. Someone I have complete trust in, and has complete trust in me. The Katekyoshi!
Then there's Si Song, whom I've known all my life. He's the complete opposite of Kang Ming. He resembles the Cloud Guardian, Hibari, alot. With a mind of his own, he's always ready to challenge my ideas or even put them down, making me refine my plans closer to perfection. He is also super smart, and sets the standard for me to compete with academically. Though it seldom happens, I know he will be able to deliver results when I need to rely on him. The Cloud Guardian!
Its saddening, but over the years I've also lost guardians. Sometimes it was because I was too childish, which was the case with Wei Feng and Hilary. I regret my actions. Sometimes... things just happened, which was the case with Joy. I still wonder if I did the right thing regarding her, but I've definitely moved on since. Regardless, I miss these people.
Which is why I won't be letting go of the Guardians who are still here.
Not if I can help it.
I have so much to write after Y camp, I don't know where to start.
Everything happened so fast, and is still happening so fast, that I'm just learning one thing after another, feeling one emotion after another-- and every one of them is equally significant. Its too difficult to write a coherent account of everything AND do justice to every single part.
So I have simply given up on writing anything whatsoever :O
In summary, just know that:
I enjoyed the camp tremendously.
In four days, Ycamp/Woody has made me grow more than CJC/T21 did in 2 years.
I will definitely go to Ycamp again.
I shall talk about something else today!
Imagine you're in a, say, football team.
You are a SU-PERB goalkeeper, but just an above average striker.
In your heart you probably WANT to be a striker, because that's where all the action is.
In this situation, would you go for what you WANT, the striker, or stay where you can CONTRIBUTE more as, the goalkeeper?
Now, let's think about something else.
Lets say you share a deep bond with a certain person. The both of you trust each other fully, and you would both go to great lengths for each other. Naturally, you are very fond of the person.
But would YOU admit your feelings to him/her? Or rather, would you, in lament terms, "chase" after such a person to gain possession of him/her? Will you want to be the striker?
To many, this is simply a question of courage and confidence.
If you had the courage and confidence for success, you probably would. Straightforward. Or others might say that the courage to love is the prerequisite to loving. That is to say, if you do not have the courage to confess, then you have no right to love the person.
But is it a question of courage?
To me, it is a question of how much you can give to the person who you love. How much happiness can you bring into his/her life. And which position allows you to make his/her life a better, brighter one.
Its actually very much like choosing between being a goalkeeper and a striker, isn't it?
If you loved the team alot, more than you loved yourself, then the answer would have been obvious -- be a goalkeeper! Your sacrifice would mean the team benefits not only from having better strikers, but also a goalkeeper who is adept at his job-- saving goals. The strikers may have all the action and glory, that's fine, because you know that your job is no less important than theirs. And more importantly, your choice has made the team a better team. A happier team. That's all that matters, isn't it?
On the other hand, if you had chosen to go for what you want and be a striker, not only would your team have suffered by having a sub-standard striker, they would also have LOST an excellent keeper, can you see the double loss?
Back to love.
If you can make the person smile when she's about to cry.
If you can be the one that sits beside her and just listen to what's on her mind.
If you can see her be even happier with another person.
If you can be contented.
Why not?
I'd like to quote from one of my favourite authors, one that changed my life profoundly, Stephen Covey.
"Love is a verb. Love – the feeling – is the fruit of love the verb or our loving actions. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her."
*P.S: Love without possession/ Love through sacrifice
I'm going to apply for another scholarship that doesn't fall under the PSC umbrella. Its gonna be alot of work. The course I will take should I accept this scholarship shall be Journalism or Current Affairs.
The SPH scholarship.
It used to be my dream a be a journalist in J1... but I kinda just forgot about it.
Or rather, I decided against it because I felt I would never be able to write better than those from the art stream even though I achieved an "A" grade in GP.
For too long, I've been holding down my own personality. The desire to dominate. The confidence to take risks. But the world isn't about one person.
I really do want to try.
Thanks Ziyu for reminding me that to not try something for fear of losing is to have lost already.
The world isn't about one person.
