Saturday, August 30, 2008
This post is meant more as an ANNOUNCEMENT for 1T21-ers, so I will REFRAIN from adding in personal thoughts. Its...exactly one month and one hour to Promos, and its about time everyone starts studying, if anyone hasn't, yet. Andrew and I have decided to hold a series of lessons for CHEMISTRY, to help those who are lost in the subject to find their way back and hopefully, pass the promotional exam with flying colours. The details are sketchy at this point of time, BUT the first lesson has been confirmed. It will be on wednesday of the september holidays, AFTER Ms Teo's own lesson on alkenes. We will be doing AMS and AS, plus CB if time allows it. Its highly possible that there will be other lessons after Mrs Sandra Tan's lectures on Thursday and Friday of september holidays, too. I believe its easier to just ask either one of us for the details. This announcement was mainly just to let people know that help is available, and where to seek it. So just look for either of us.
I blogged @ | 8:41 PM
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Been reading Harry Potter all over again... for the tenth time, I think? Wouldn't be surprised if it were more... Anyway, I suppose one of the reasons I keep revisiting this series which I've been reading since I was a kid is because of its language. The way thoughts are put into words by characters in the series really captivates me. My favourite one would be Dumbledore's "To the well organised mind, death is but the next great adventure". Then there's Snape's "‘You have no subtlety, Potter,’ said Snape, his dark eyes glittering. ‘You do not understand fine distinctions. It is one of the shortcomings that makes you such a lamentable potion maker." Yet who can forget Umbridge's opening speech "Each headmaster has brought something new to this... historical school. But progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged. Let us preserve what must be preserved and prune practices that ought to be...prohibited!" And lots more... These lines play quite a significant role in my way of thinking, not just the mentioned ones, but the whole of the HP series. Its inlaid into the way I think, act, and react -- in short, its a part of me. I'm just being childish here... but being childish is a rather efficient method of escape from reality. Whenever I return to reality its just work... and I dunno how I got into such a terrible life. Which sucks.
I blogged @ | 12:54 AM
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Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Sprained my leg. Cannot move now. PAIN. Won't go into details... I'm not very sure how I sprained myself also. Well 2 days MC again...terrible. Self study at home again. Physics this time, maybe? Was quite touched by how people around me reacted. Those ppl whom I have no interaction with whatsoever usually turned out to be the very ppl who made the pain more bearable today. Rui Peng especially, normally we just mutually dao each other... but he was the first to come to my aid when I fell. Must repay him somehow. Shall make his chem A for promos. Then there are the classmates... Every word of concern helped reduce the pain by abit, though it was still damn pain. THANKS EVERYONE WHO CARED. I guess its only when accidents like that happen then will I be able to really see who really cares. Anyway this fall really made me think from another perspective... About friends, classmates, and my attitude towards them. Maybe I've been wrong...? And it also made me feel weak, for the first time in quite awhile. Always thought I was invulnerable to weakness. Right, so I am human after all. I wonder what I would be like, without my witty comments, without my reputation as being "smart", without this brain which thinks too much, without my arrogance. Maybe just a normal guy, more likeable, more happy, but less successful. But wasn't success supposed to bring happiness? Parody.
I blogged @ | 10:07 PM
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Saturday, August 16, 2008
"Play to your advantage. Use your strengths." Its how I've always lived, put into words. Avoiding areas where chances of success are low, and banking on places where I have a natural edge. Its the way I see, do, and react to people and things around me. Its been playing on my mind abit harder than usual, now. Whatever my strengths are, I'm certain social skills isn't one of them. I have advantage where abilities are concerned, and nowhere else. Which offers an explanation which I've been seeking... as to why do I feel so detached from others. Its the way I function... striving for as much success as possible... and leaving the areas where I can't excel to rot and die. Which is why my social life is rotting and dying. Great.
I blogged @ | 5:49 PM
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Thursday, August 14, 2008
2nd day of self proclaimed holiday. Lets just say I have been busy. Its taken awhile (14 hours and counting), but it seems the two days MC I've taken is worth it, because now I'm feeling I might very well get the A for maths, in addition to chem. Now, all thats left is Physics...and Chinese. Well it won't take too long, 2 days a subject for relatively hardcore studying usually gets me somewhere. Then after that its just consistent practise for a month... And its all so much easier doing it alone, without people around me. I officially deem group study useless for me.
I blogged @ | 4:29 PM
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Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Feeling rather... serene today. Self proclaimed holiday... no la actually I had flu. So...no school, nobody around, which allows me to briefly relax, for however short a moment, be my unrestricted self. Its just me, my dog, my cat, and my chinese songs for the whole day...awesome. Only in moments like this, I'll feel that I don't need to consistently strive to be the best, after all. As long as I'm happy, who cares, right? Wrong. As much as I would like to adopt this sort of attitude, as it would make my life inmeasurably easier, its just not a practical way to live. Why settle for just simply happiness, when one can be successful AND happy at the same time? Settling for the second best is the option taken by people who lack the ability to become the best, thus deluding themselves into thinking that is not important. Alright, I'm a bastard, shoot me. But its the truth.
I blogged @ | 8:22 PM
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Today was national day celebration. Didn't feel like one though, I think its cos I didn't hear the song "We will get there", it brings back memories... And then there was ice skating... Was fun, brings back memories, too...skating, it does. How young was I then, when I first met Karmaine and Tammy at the same rink? And it doesn't seem that long ago when I was skating there with Janet and Jenny... Sec 1, or 2, probably... Such fond memories, but where are they now? I've come to accept that people walk in and out of my life all the time. No matter how important they might have been to me at that point of time, seperation is inevitable. Blimey, a few years later there might just be that one post reminiscing about the classmates who skated with me today... Yet by then, chances are, we may have scattered, and what's left for me to keep will only be memories. Which is why I do not like to believe in "friendship" too much. Its too much of a variable, a gamble, because people change, everyone does. Relying on myself is so much more stable...
I blogged @ | 11:19 PM
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Thursday, August 07, 2008
Its nearing. Can't anyone feel it? Its been acting like a shadow, Constantly cast in my mind, obstructing my thoughts... I must get the 3A's for H3 chem, thereby allowing me to cancel something off the wishlist. Cos the other stuff are unattainable. How long can my composure hold? I'll need to really get into studying form, soon. And I won't be able to pay attention to anything, or anyone else. But will I be able to do that? Will I be able to tear myself from those distractions, which I deem so very important? And if I do manage the feat, what will become of them? I'm confused, I'm also nervous. I see nothing but broken images in the future, but I can't do anything to stop it. So tell me, do I give up everything else, and go for my goals... Or do I put my goals as a secondary priority and follow my heart?
I blogged @ | 10:47 PM
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Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Just got back from bball training. The physically exhausted state it left me had came along with an extremely cranky mood all the way back home... up till now. To put it shortly... I'm just exploding with frustration. I found myself cursing and scolding everything that could be cursed at on my way home. The bus is too packed. Fuck the bus company. The kid is retarded, he shouldn't be trying to balance on a fully packed bus. Fuck him. Desmond Chan wants his compre handed up, out of the blue. Fuck him. Just to name a few. I dunno what has come over me... but I'm not rejecting it. Cause rage is what pushes me to greater heights, it unleashes my fullest potential. I reckon if I let this rage continue on, I'll be doing much better in all pracitical areas, cause I will then channel my energies to those areas, instead of wasting my time bothering bout stupid stuff like feelings, relationships. A time too many have I allowed feelings to cloud my judgement, making the wrong decisions while taking the feelings of others into consideration. Why bother? I ask myself. Its not as though I get anything out of it. And its not as though my feelings are taken into consideration by others. My conclusion... a person like me ought not have feelings, at all. What's the point in having a person who can excel, only to be sidetracked, distracted by feelings? I tire of this. I really am tired.
I blogged @ | 8:39 PM
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New skin...again
Alright, forget bout my super long post that was posted today, too. I was damn bored today... So I was scrolling through my Bleach pictures... And since I had alot of time I made (modified out of another skin, to be more precise, but its barely recognisable) a skin out of it. Proves how bored I am... I just can't get into the mood to do anything nowadays. Someone help?
I blogged @ | 9:04 PM
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Today marks the first day of Ms Teo's absence, which will last for two weeks. We had the vice principal Tan Jek Suan standing in for SD (big shot class gets big shot principal) and a... comical guy to stand in for chemistry tutorials. I'll start with the VP's lesson... He's actually quite a funny and nice man, I realised. At the beginning of the year I thought he was just a bastard whose interests lay in suanning people (no, no pun intended. But he's actually quite open to the views of students, and also has a recognisable sense of humour (unlike the other Mr Tan...I'll touch on that later). Anyway his lesson was on..."the needy and poor". To me it was pretty much just a funner version of the GP poverty lecture. It didn't teach me stuff I didn't already know... though I must admit it was pretty enjoyable. In the course of the lesson he asked us to list down 5 possessions we will find hard to give up and why... Interesting question, though I think its kinda...private. I...certainly didn't answer it truthfully. Chem, Maths, Physics, GP, Chinese. Those are the things I listed. While Chem is rather important to me, its still not to the extent where I can't live without it...thats just weird. Er, the other subjects, I was lying, alright? Hit me lightning or something... but it doesn't make sense to announce what is precious to me. However, if I were to do a proper ranking...what would the 5 possessions be? I'm not entirely sure myself... How do we define possessions? Do we "possess" our family and friends? For me, the answer is no... no matter how precious those people are, they are not things that have settled down in my life. They remain as variables...which may or may not stay in our lives as life progresses. On the other hand, it is true that my perception of friends is mildly ( if not astronomically ) different from that of others-- for instance, I don't count people I know as friends, unless a rather high level of mutual trust has been established. Hence, using either reasoning, friends and family will not be appearing on my list. That probably sounds like I don't care bout relationships, but thats not what it means. Well, digest it yourself... So, now that relationships are removed from the list of options, the whole thing is much easier to do. ( I would have much more difficulty doing this if I were to count people as "possessions", trust me ) . It'll probably be my Laptop, Handphone, Electone, PSP, and my dog. Which isn't very interesting, and doesn't deserve much elaboration. Its getting kinda long and I haven't even started on the wannabe-chem-teacher... its the VP's fault, for asking such a question and making me think. I'll move on... rather than continue on this topic. ( I was gonna go on about how many of my classmates choose family, making me feel exceedinly cold blooded, but nevermind ). Well, about Chem... This Mr Tan is also quite a funny man. Like the VP, he keeps making us laugh. However, in this case, half the time we are laughing at him instead of his jokes. But that does not undermine his ability to teach... he has his own style, I must admit, though I'm not quite used to it... it may be more compatible with the others. I have always been used to Ms Teo's method of teaching, where the procedure of events are foreplanned and fixed ( prepare tutorial, do tutorial on board, go through errors , add on to lacking areas . )This method, while efficient for people who are adept at the subject, may prove to be a lil tedious and stressful to others. ( Like... the class quizzes that can occur anytime constantly act as pressurizing factors, and people who do not understand the content completely may well find themselves copying answers/explanations on the board without truly understanding throughout the lesson) I'm not complaining... but thats what I feel. On the other hand, this Mr Tan guy's method of teaching is relatively less planned/organised and the way it progresses relies hugely on response from the class. He just goes through tutorial questions in random order, and from the way the lesson progresses it can be seen that he doesn't have a list of stuff he has set for himself that he wants to complete in that lesson. Its just...random. And who exactly am I to judge teachers, anyway? But I'm bored...so forgive me. Besides I should be observing how different teachers teach, if I want to be a good teacher, shouldn't I?
I blogged @ | 5:16 PM
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Shut up, already.
My dad is still under the impression that my results are damn terrible, every single conversation we had in the few hours I went over this weekend was about studying. And he talks as though he know whats it like in JC, though it would be quite queer if he really did, seeing as he has never been in one. It sucks being told what to do by someone who knows less than you, but you can't tell him that in his face. I swear I'm gonna avoid visiting my dad's shop in the following days. Its another sunday spent in solitude... not counting my cat and dog. I'm left with nothing to do except complaining to myself on my own blog. Seriously... this sucks. I'm tired of being bored...zzz.
I blogged @ | 5:32 PM
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