Pfft, I dunno what's the reasoning behind putting final submission of EoM, chem test and chem tutorial on the same day, especially picking thursday, where everyone had only just been tired out by their CCAs the previous day. Intentionally trying to kill me? Or testing my limits?
Doesn't matter, I'm still coping.
I blogged @ | 11:36 PM
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Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Zzz
Strange, last I checked, "guest" meant "someone who is invited". Strangely, I haven't invited anyone over lately...
This is getting stupid, just because I mentioned a girl's name in a post doesn't equate to me liking the girl. Pfft, talk about hasty generalizations.
For the...less fortunate, let me draw up a scenario to let you understand better.
I'm better than her at Chem. I'm better than her at GP. She's better than I am at H2 chinese. She's better than I am at Physics. We are equally good at Maths.
It may have eluded some, but it hasn't escaped my attention that with our individual strengths currently, studying together would produce maximum results, which would benefit both of us.
Instead of drawing stupid conclusions...maybe people should start focusing their attention to erm, studies, which seems to be in drastic need of it.
I blogged @ | 10:52 PM
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Monday, July 28, 2008
Open up...? I guess not.
Its been another very tiring day. Stayed back to study after school with Wei Feng and Fu Lin...I feel it was rather efficient. Its July... six months have passed since I entered the class, since I entered JC. Its clearer to me now, who are the friends that I really can communicate with, that I can trust in class. To my surprise, it isn't the Josephians... I thought wrong. Its wei feng and fu lin... yet another surprise, both are from china. Strange how things work, really.
Its only 2 or 3 days left to the chem CA... I wonder how prepared is everyone? No one asked me anything, so I'm going to assume they are all very confident. Time is running out, does anyone realise that?
Just... slightly more than a year more, and this will all end. I'm looking forward to it, let this all end, quickly. I've gotten all the life lessons I need from school, and I reckon the rest of my JC life wouldn't be changing very much from this point forth. Its getting boring...
Maybe the change from SJI wasn't so great, after all. Everyone else seems to have realised the importance of socialising, but I'm still trapped in my own world, refusing to open up to others easily. Maybe thats my path... to be mostly alone, with only the pathetic handful of friends.
What a random post... there isn't even a proper theme, or train of thought. Its just what I'm feeling now, typing with my head on the laptop, half asleep. And its like typing practise cos I don't remember what I typed earlier...
sounds retarded. I'm tired, bb
I blogged @ | 7:07 PM
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Saturday, July 26, 2008
Bored...like mad.
Its the weekends... finally, a bit of rest. Its not as though I've been working especially hard during the weekdays, but it seems that the very process of going to school tires me.
So up to now I've been doing...nothing... Was supposed to study with Wei Feng in the morning, but she overslept. Ehh wtf. Oh well, doesn't matter, I'll do the equi promo papers myself, I've long gotten used to doing things...myself.
Friendship is very tiring... Especially when there're things to be said, but can't be said. If I can't speak my mind, I'll prefer not to talk at all. Which is why I prefer to be alone most of the time...Antisocial, ha.
I blogged @ | 12:50 PM
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Thursday, July 24, 2008
I'm not okay.
I'm sick. Not much of a surprise, considering I basically walked through the rain yesterday morning (Wei Feng's umbrella was useless) and got chilled to the bone on the bus. That's not even the end of it... after school there was bball training which was another well planned attempt at claiming my life.
So with a combination of these two horrific experiences, I fell sick. I didn't go to school, but that didn't mean that I had the rest I needed. Even while I was sick at home... I received a call from kumaran to complete the editted WR and send to him so that he could print it before PW lesson. Its okay... I'm not THAT sick, though I would prefer a rest. Oh well, with my ability I will be able to complete it in less than an hour, anyway... no problem. Next, I got a call from my mum reminding me to study. Irritating, very irritating. I'm tired of telling people I'm okay to put them at ease, only to result in them assuming I can work to my full abilities instantly. I'm tired, get it? Next time I should say I'm NOT OKAY, so that people who can't tell will stop bugging me to work. Why give so much for others, anyway?
Oh and I didn't receive anymore calls throughout the day. I wonder if thats a good thing? 2 calls, both regarding work, and no one bothers to check if I'm alive. Which just proves my point that giving too much for others is a waste of time. I'm just a working machine... with abilities beyond others that people can make use of. Beyond that, I'm nothing. If today it were one of those useless popular shits who just keep talking thrash, I bet they would receive plenty of attention, though they might not be very useful.
I'm tired of people. Very tired.
I blogged @ | 1:05 PM
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Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Pressing on.
I'm starting to feel life could be so much more wonderful, if I stopped having expectations in other people. I've had enough of disappointments. I probably shouldn't believe everything anyone says. Do people talk for the simple purpose of entertaining, without any real credit in their words? It seems so. But please do not assume I am the same, I'll treat it as an insult. When I say something, I mean it, its a form of respect. I expect that its mutual. If you're unsure of something, I'd rather you keep quiet. If its in your blood to just make empty promises, then stay away from me, and I will do the same.
Why should I trust you? Have you done anything for me? Who are you, anyway?
I blogged @ | 9:34 PM
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Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I'm pissed.
Knowing everything, but being unable to do anything about it is a pain in the ass. It is.
I thought that PTM would send the warning out to everyone. I thought wrong. Copying homework, I understand, I am from SJI, after all. Copying every single piece of homework in class and having the cheek to say that you're "too lazy" to do by youself is beyond my comprehension. Are you retarded? I suspect you are.
Whoever's reading this and not sure if I'm talking about you...chances are I'm not. Well, 26/27 chance, that is. I'll lower that abit, I'm talking bout a guy.
And it doesn't stop at copying homework. People who are whining that there's not enough time to study... what have you guys been doing after school? I won't elaborate, but if you could've been studying (I.E no cca and school activities) but you decided to accompany your friends to somewhere "cos letting him/her go alone is damn bad", then it does not count as "no time to study". This is no time for random class outings. Wanna destress? Organize a proper outing on a proper day. Look... I know class bonding is great ( actually, I don't ) but if you let it affect your studying schedule....well, good luck.
Why am I saying all these? I don't usually care... Maybe its cause all of you remind me of myself when I was in SJI. Maybe its cause I don't want to see the class split. Truth be told, I don't know, either.
But I might stop bothering altogether if this keeps up. I have my own stuff to care about, my own studies to attend to, people who I cannot let down, and my own future to think about.
The point here isn't that I have too many problems of my own to care bout others. But if the "others" don't care bout themselves, why should I?
I blogged @ | 7:51 PM
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Saturday, July 19, 2008
PTM aftermath
I mentioned, didn't I. Everyone has been putting up an extremely feeble act that they are not depressed bout their mid year results. Yet its so obvious... especially at times like PTM.
In the past, in SJI, every PTM spelt D-E-A-T-H for me, not unlike many of my classmates now. I remember how it felt, the feeling of incompetence, and parents don't usually help alleviate the problems by rubbing it in, either. Yet today the one who walked out of the meeting depressed wasn't me. In fact, I was relatively happy. I wish I can say the same for my classmates, though.
I am not the one being screwed by the teacher, now. So what is this grim feeling I am getting? I am tired of seeing you tired. I am tired of being unable to help. I am tired of constantly being in the safe zone while watching you struggle in dangerous waters. Why can't I save you? I'm supposed to be a genius, no? What is it that I lack that prevents me from pulling you across the danger line? I don't know, and I need answers, soon, before its all too late.
Then, when I'm not worrying bout other people, there's my own stuff I need to worry about. Competition. This mid year may have seen my rise in chem and maths with relative ease, but I'm certain there are people who are aiming to take me down in the promos, just as I aspire to take Andrew down. Its natural to want to surpass the best. I need to maintain my standard. Not just that, but I need to improve on my maths (hopefully to a level similar to my standard in chem) and physics, too. Looks like I cannot expect to excel in promos in shikai(read: relaxed) state...
So now its time to Bankai(<--- read: full power mode). Senkei Zenbansakura Kageyoshi.
I won't lose.
I blogged @ | 1:36 PM
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Wednesday, July 16, 2008
6...and 29
Went to school in the morning, nothing special bout that. Walked up the stairs... and saw this.
Princpal board. Ranking for chem mid year results. Did some counting...and found out that my rank is...6th.
6...I quite like that number, cos...
Kuchiki Byakuya, captain of gotei thirteen SIXTH division, whose personality is interestingly similar to mine.
However.. the rank six isn't making me extremely happy, cos there's 5 above. Which means I'm currently feeling more like
Grimjow, the SIXTH espada, known for being extremely violent. I might kill the other 5 ppl, or myself for making so many careless mistakes in the paper.
Well. I'll settle with this position for now. But at end of year I intend to be top... no more SIX, bloody hell.
As you can see, 6 is a fairly special number to me. While we're on this topic, let me introduce...another special number.
29! My jersey number. I chose that number... for a few reasons. Nope its not some random number... but I don't like disclosing why here, so...too bad.
And that concludes this supremely random post on numbers.
I blogged @ | 4:16 PM
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Monday, July 14, 2008
我们因为看不见而恐惧无形之物， 因看不见而敬畏无形之物， 于是手中的剑就此挥下。
Interestingly, this picture of Byakuya came together with words very similar to what I feel. We fear the unknown because we cannot see it. We are wary of the unknown because we cannot see it. In order to hide our fear we put up a brave front by drawing our swords on the unknown.
Occasionally, when I am unsure, when I can't get the answers I want even if I think deeply... the natural response is to just strike at the shadows. Do everything within my ability to force things to come under my control, instead of letting it remain in uncertainity.
It has worked in the past... using enough wits and actions usually do get me somewhere.
So now, once again, I'm facing the unknown. I am waiting for an answer. One that has eluded me for awhile, now. I cannot see the answer, I probably fear it as much as I look forward to it. If I try hard enough... if I maximise the usage of my abilities... will the answer come?
I'm still waiting.
I blogged @ | 8:30 PM
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Sunday, July 13, 2008
GP tutors...do you mind not treating us like kids?
I don't like the new guy assigned to us.
I didn't like the previous one, either.
Apparently, I just can't get along with GP tutors. "Can't get along" is an understatement. I probably can't get along with other tutors like Mr Lim, too, but at least I respect that he's great at maths. Moreover, he allowed me to try my own methods in studying maths instead of forcing his methods on me. Even though I eventually lost the bet with him (didn't get a B), I managed to rise from steadily failing every FA to eventually passing maths.
However... GP tutors... what can I say? The way I see it, this new guy is no better than the previous one. While I must credit him for trying to improve the GP standard of the class, his methods strongly remind me of primary school education. Yea, so we failed GP horribly... that doesn't mean we are retards or kids. So stop treating us like we are. Grammar practise? Seriously? I dunno bout the others, but I feel insulted. What's more, everyone has to follow your fixed format for essays? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought GP was about being able to express personal thoughts and views on current affairs. If everyone were to follow the same style of writing, I don't quite see how personal it can get.
If this teaching process which severely lacks freedom and space for students to develop themselves is aimed at the ultimate result of having everyone pass GP, then I'll rather study by myself and have a more enjoyable learning process, and pass all the same.
I blogged @ | 4:13 PM
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Friday, July 11, 2008
Byakuya
I've finally decided to revert to HTML skins. Admittedly, the XML ones are all too ugly,and even though I coded it to have a picture of Hebe on the top it didn't go very well. This skin isn't very good, either, in my opinion. But the other skins which featured Byakuya (my favourite character in any anime) had complicated codings which I am lazy to busy myself with at the moment. So this shall do, for now. I'll change to something nicer...someday... when I'm in the mood for HTML coding.
Today was quite relaxing, considering school ended at 1pm and I had no CCA, or anyone to study with. (More precisely, I had CCA but I decided not to go) So I got home early, was bored, read comics, and decided to change my skin to a manga themed one.
So, I got the results for GP, the last subject today. Weirdly enough it was the first paper I took but it came back last. I passed...48.5 (that's a pass for you in JC). Which means my finalised results will be A (Chem) D(Maths) E(GP) S(Physics) U(H2 Chinese). Er, I can't say I screwed up... but I haven't studied very hard, either. In bleach terms it would be like I have only used shikai and not bankai yet. (Forget that). So now that our results are back... It seems there is a new kind of atmosphere in class. Everyone acts like they're not upset with their results, and carry on with life normally. Yet I can feel something wrong somewhere... I think everyone (except probably me...) is deeply affected by the mid year results, they're not sure whether they are suited for JC, probably some have lost confidence in themselves. It doesn't help that the promotional exams are looming ahead, casting an atmosphere of stress and fear on everyone. Even if everyone laughs and acts normally... I can tell.
On the other hand, although I am not really worried about exams ( have never been, am not, never will be), the results has had its seperate effects on me... Even if I promote... will I be with my class? I try not to think about it, but its haunting me. I have a feeling the answer is "no"... and I'm hardly ever wrong. Which is bad, in this case. I'll try to help the others... but how many people are willing to listen to me? I don't know...
I am sure the problem is not the number of hours studied, because if results were proportional to hours, I would have flunked everything this time. Its the studying habits, the methods, to be more specific.
For example, group study. If you know you are easily distracted, and then you get a few other friends who are also easily distracted to study together... obviously the probability of having efficient study is lower than the probability of the whole thing ending up as a chit-chat session... I don't mean to criticise... but that's how it is. I know its much more enjoyable studying with friends you can talk to, but alas, work done is inversely proportional to fun. Then, if you know you can't study alone at home, then find someone (who is relatively good at academics and not easily distracted) to study with you outside. It would be easier than to force yourself to study at home and feel miserable. (Arguably, studying is miserable everywhere, I know, but bear with it).
Its not the hours... putting too much stress on yourself now isn't going to help, studying for long hours isn't, either. Listen to me for once, and if it doesn't work I'll retain with all of you.
Well I can't say much here... but if anyone needs help with studies... you guys know my number.
I blogged @ | 6:51 PM
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Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Got 50 for maths, resulting in me getting 2nd in class for another subject without intending to. What a crazy world. Guess who's first...?
My next task shall be improve my maths... until its as good as my chem. And then physics. Its not a question of "can or not", but more of " I want to or not ". If I want to, I can achieve anything.
I realise my arrogance may hurt other people... without me intending to, once again. Like during class when Miss Teo asked why was I throwing and catching a pen when she was going through the chem paper, I replied "nothing to do" (cos i got 33/40 and there weren't much corrections for me). At that moment it was just an explanation for why I wasn't paying attention, but after that I realised it would make other people feel bad. Terrible.
I only asked for one student... now I'm getting 8 more.
lol.
Alvin asked me to help teach his sec 4 combined chem class.. might as well try.
I blogged @ | 8:10 AM
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Saturday, July 05, 2008
Teaching...?
Hmmm been giving this some thought for awhile, now.
Ever since being recognised as a H3 chem potential, which surprised even myself, I've been trying my hand at teaching...chem, of course.
Essentially, I only have two regular students, while I only help the others out occasionally. The results have been... better than I would've expected. Si Song got A for chem in his MYE... though when I taught him I thought he would've gotten a B. Maybe the SAJC paper was easy, I dunno. Or maybe that can be attributed to his own intelligence... I wouldn't know, either.
On the other hand, Joy beat me in MCQ for chem mid years, though that would be more because of her own hard work than my teaching, because I basically didn't teach her during the last 2 weeks before Mid years. Hence I cannot have a measure of how much help my teaching had done her, if any.
Amongst these uncertainities, the only thing that can be confirmed is that both have improved by noticeable levels in the past months--- Both were failing during the 1st common tests.
So, in order to accurately gauge my teaching abilities, I shall take a third student. She's from secondary school, however, so I don't know if the same methods for teaching JC chem applies. But lets have a shot, anyway.
From here, I shall just observe. The results of this 3 students eventually may very well be the key factors which determine whether I really choose teaching as a carreer.
I blogged @ | 12:22 PM
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Thursday, July 03, 2008
o.O
Mannn I must have been mad when I told myself I didn't care anymore... its just not possible.
Anyway I got 84 for chem, Andrew got 91. But I'm in a good mood so I shall not rant about losing (again).
