Did you know... just a year ago, in sji, Jw didn't have to care bout who he offended? Jw didn't offer help to anyone? Jw lived life the way he liked? Jw didn't have to apologize for retarded stuff? Jw didn't have to tone down his words for fear of offending people? Jw was unrestricted? Jw was happier?
I blogged @ | 9:19 AM
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Tuesday, May 27, 2008
张智成 ---may i love you
我要如何才能拥抱你呢紧紧抱着我吻你你附和 从朋友晋升情人角色从苦涩转变成了快乐 把钥匙交给了你你却转身将我囚禁 在一扇叫做等待的门里你试过那么多心的锁 怎么就不来开启我的爱情 love you, love you, may i love you? tell me what to do 才能让你不孤单我不孤独一起找幸福 当这个世界一步一步华丽到荒芜 请放心我还是你的信徒 love you, love you, may i love you? tell me you love me too 我可以继续付出付出就够我满足 不相信爱情对我永远(的)残酷 我奢望时间会为我祝福
看着我这样投入难道你都没有感触 不接受至少给我些帮助就说你感动到想哭 多少能减轻一点我的痛苦
Dunno what to think, won't think. Let this 2 years just fly past naturally...
I blogged @ | 11:59 AM
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Tuesday, May 13, 2008
CJC likes to spend 1 hour every tuesday to waste our time. The time is spent watching movies, or taking some personality test. Up to now, I've taken about 2 test, with..mildy amusing and strangely accurate results. According to some tetramap test, I am the only earth in class, which means I'm some kinda leader... True to some extent, I guess. According to another test, I belong to the shark category, which basically means I'm crazily forceful, and tends to settle conflicts by making people lose. This one... totally true.
I dunno what results this combination of character will bring, but I do know the shark side of me isn't going to bring about any popularity boost.
I want to win, but I must remind myself that winning is not everything.
There are more important things than winning, and the thing has been there from the moment I stepped into class. Guess I forgot how important it was to me, until today.
"Fight for what you want, and take it back." I'll take it back.
I blogged @ | 9:51 PM
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Sunday, May 11, 2008
Destiny
...I'm back here... I guess I'm feeling more or less peaceful right now. Its been tiring changing between different states of mind recently, but its okay now, no matter which one is in control, my goal is to win, that much doesn't change.
Despite saying that... Talking bout wanting to win and all, I'm actually feeling quite weak and tired at this point of time. It has something to do with realising how insignificant I am. In the end, the obsession to win is only to fill up the emptiness within me, to divert my attention from the areas where I have failed miserably. I have, more or less, realised that I will never succeed in those areas. I have no choice but to give up, and convince myself that my destiny lies not in those areas, and to focus all my efforts in confronting my true destiny....In yet another miserable attempt to numb myself from this emptiness.
So, I have concluded that Jw is not a social creature. Socially, I am a failure. In the next two years I'll probably walk an extremely lonely road. Why? I believe too much in myself, but people like to disagree with me. As such, I will insist forcefully on my beliefs, and will lose friend after friend this way. Yet who can blame me? More than 80% of the time, I am right, but no... they don't believe that, of course, they will just say I'm arrogant, unsensitive, unfriendly, mean ... whatever.
I now firmly believe that my destiny lies not in any social aspect. Helping the class? I will do what I can... but given my character I will create more damage within the class than helping out.
So what exactly is my destiny in CJC? What was I sent here for, if it weren't to gain true companions to aid me in future? I...don't know. For now though, I guess I'll just focus on academics. Chem, yes, of course, currently its my life. The other subjects... I will handle them, somehow. I am smart, see? Don't believe me? ... I don't really care.
I must win, thats all there is to it.
I walked into this school alone, and I don't mind walking out of it alone, as long as I win.
I blogged @ | 9:36 PM
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Saturday, May 10, 2008
Bankai
I take back whatever rubbish I said. Compromising is for the weak. I want to win, and I will win. Thats all there is to it for me.
The only song I've been listening to for the past 3 days or so. I like how it expresses so much within a song without using the three most overrated-and-overused words of all time.
Today was... okay, since the more tamed side of me was in control. For a few pecuilar moments I got overly angry over small stuff, though, so it seems my mind isn't as peaceful as I thought.
Been reading 論語 recently, and thinking about bigger stuff because of it. I realise I need to cut down on my arrogance, and be more truthful with friends. And my petty little fights actually don't mean anything at all, so I might as well give them up altogether. A particular line from a song I like alot goes like this: 笑叹词穷 古痴今狂终成空 It says the passion in the past and the present will all eventually come to end, and will not matter in the future. How true. Which is why... I've decided to take an easier prospect to everything I do. No, that does not mean I'll start slacking and leave everything to fate. But I will not be that persistent for trivial stuff that have been major parts of my life in the past 2 months. With that mental note made to myself... I shall leave this empty blog. Bye.
I blogged @ | 8:24 PM
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Wednesday, May 07, 2008
... I got no poem today.
Nvm, its okay, no one said every post needed to come with a poem...
So, I got my chem test results, 31/40... Can't say I'm satisfied, but I'm not exactly disapointed, either. That other chem god has a high chance of beating me, I think, but I'm not really concerned about that, at least for now.
All of a sudden I don't really care about being the best / not being the best anymore. And thats very strange, considering just last week the only purpose in life was to outdo him. Its as though the Jw from SJI just came back and took over for a week, and suddenly I was the arrogant bastard again. And the arrogant bastard wanted nothing but to win. But I guess in my crazy determination to win, I lost sight of what I truly wanted to achieve in 1T21, that is for the whole class to promote together. I became a hyper jerk, and things got kinda ugly, but fortunately, not out of hand. I'm glad its all over now. However, I still need to apologize to the people who had to put up with me in the last few days, I realise it must have been difficult. So...sorry, if you ever read this, that is.
I dunno what brought about the change, but it seems that the less aggressive me is back in control now. I'm just glad the crazy-arrogant-bastard me didn't tear the class apart (or at least tear me apart from the class, lol). Not surprisingly, life has been more lenient on me today after I became less mad. Looks like this mode is better. Well, I should be careful, lest I become mad again and start trying to kill people next. While I'm still in control, I should express how much I still like the class by ending the post with an (extremely rare) class picture.
Lets hope we don't fall apart.
I blogged @ | 9:03 PM
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Thursday, May 01, 2008
1T21 Last minute ditch attempt to pass chem crash course.
Ahem, I tried to create a whole new class blog to make this announcement but... it turned out to be simply too troublesome.
Anyway, I've noticed that many of you require help to pass chem, which you all need to pass so that Ms Teo doesn't call your parents.
Therefore, starting from labour day (today), I will be having a series a chem lessons with different groups of people who might require it. Currently, there're already a few sessions but more can be added if people ask for it.
Here's the list of study sessions that are fixed currently:
Thursday Time:4pm Location: My house Meeting place: Yew Tee MRT People: Tian Ye, Wei Feng, Jeremoth
Saturday** Time:4pm onwards Location: To be determined Meeting place: To be determined People: Jessie's PW group.
Take note that all the locations can be rearranged if needed, so just contact me. And if you're going, bring chem bonding promo papers and chem bonding tutorial.
